Top 60 Butt Puns and Jokes

When it comes to having fun, butts are no different from any other aspect of life. Some people could be offended if a joke were made about it, but it’s just another part of the body, so what gives us the right to treat it any differently? That being said, these are the funniest butt puns we could find, and they’re guaranteed to make you laugh and have a good time. Let’s go see it and enjoy ourselves.

Funny Butt Puns

  1. What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
  2. Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn’t a relative? Ass-skin for a friend.
  3. If you slap Dwayne Johnson’s butt…You officially hit rock bottom.
  4. What’s a more concrete term for butt crack? Asphalt
  5. What do you call an ox with a big butt? Buttocks.
  6. What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other? Assymmetrical.
  7. I farted in front of my son. He said, “That sounded like a duck!” I told him, “That’s because I have a butt quack.”
  8. What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts? Molasses.
  9. What do you call Nikki Minaj’s butt crack? Silicon Valley.
  10. If someone is burnt and needs a skin graft, can I donate the skin tissue on my butt? Ass-skin for a friend.
  11. Why does a duck have tail feathers? To cover its butt quack.
  12. Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt? Because change comes from within.
  13. Being a scarecrow isn’t for everyone. Butt hay, it’s in my jeans.
  14. What do you call it when a duck farts? A butt-quack.
  15. My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later.
  16. I’ve heard him tell it many times over the years.
  17. It’s old-butt gold.
  18. Can I borrow your butt? Mine has a crack in it.
  19. When is a butt not cracked in half? When it’s a butt (w)hole.
  20. A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up. “Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
  21. My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today but only focused on one cheek. It was very half-assed.

Bum Jokes One Liner

  1. A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt. The doctors described his condition as stable.
  2. When your butt gets hurt, what would you take to alleviate the pain? Ass – prin
  3. What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt? You are so butty – ful!
  4. Much like butt holes, families are typically meant to be tight.
  5. Do you know a well-known painter who specializes in drawing butts? His name is Pic – ass – ole.
  6. The plastic surgeon completely removed the buttocks of the women. It was really a dis-ass-ter.
  7. As my but is much bigger than my heart. I want to say “I love you baby with all my butt!”
  8. The reason why ducks have feathers is that they would cover the butt quacks with them.
  9. Yesterday, somebody butt-dialed me again. It seems like that only assholes want to talk to me.
  10. Which song by Marry Blige would Nicki Minaj want to cover the most? Take Me Ass I am.
  11. When the dishwasher stops running, you just need to slap in its ass and get back to work.
  12. I do not like anything, butt corgis for this Christmas.
  13. Each morning, I always kiss my wife before going to work and say “I hope your day is as good as your butt.”
  14. Do you know why the toilet paper does not cross the road? Because it gets stuck in a crack.
  15. The ice cream says to his best friend popsicle “Perhaps more people might like you if you would relax and stop acting as if you had a giant stick up your butt.”
  16. I think my butt is broken, but the doctor says that there is always a crack in every butt.
  17. In a therapy session, a butt says “I sometimes feel like I am full of nothing butt crap.”
  18. What is the most favorite food of your poop? Butt-er
  19. I have just made a butt plug out of a carrot in the refrigerator. It is so cool.
  20. My doctor examines my butt and says that I have got more crack than any drug dealers.
  21. How would a butt flirt with another butt? Just say “Hey, cutaneous!”

Flat Butt Jokes

  1. A butt expresses her feelings with her crush “I just want to ass if you would like to go out with me tonight.”
  2. Which famous actor has the biggest butt in the world? He must be Huge Jassman, who is also known as Hugh Jackman.
  3. The United States is a violent country as it has a lot of weapons for ass destruction.
  4. When I was a child, my mom always tried to teach me that you are butt you eat.
  5. Everyone knows that uranium is dangerous because you might get a nuclear “bum” after swallowing this chemical.
  6. The teacher asks her students why they lie in the doorway of the classroom only with their top half. The students answer “Because you say “No butts!”
  7. Do you know why the man carries a bottom in the elevator? Because he brings up the rear.
  8. Where is the best place to keep your fake poo? In your bottom drawer.
  9. The butt gets a slap because it is so cheeky.
  10. The toilet paper is rolling down the hill because it wants to hit the bottom as soon as possible.
  11. What do we call a person who gives you their wishes whenever you rub his butt? He is called a Genie – Arse!
  12. What is the biggest butt in the world? It must be the bottom of the sea
  13. When you hit the rock bottom, what would happen? Bum Crack
  14. What would the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He might wipe his butt.
  15. I just want to say that I love you a buttload!
  16. The first lesson that my teacher gave me in the psychology call is to put your trust in those people who love big butts because they can’t lie.
  17. What do we call a male cow with a big ass? He is called a butt – ox!
  18. What does one butt cheek talk to another butt cheek? “We could stop this shit together, bro!”
  19. Of course, I want to be able to breathe, but I would not mind having that ass – thma.
  20. In the bus station, a man looks at the butt of a girl and ask “Where will this butt go anyway?”
  21. Do you know Kim Kardashian? She is a very butty – ful celebrity.
  22. A boss is just like a baby diaper that is always on your butt and filled with poop.

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